Blog

The Return

Tue, 10 Mar 2009 00:42:00 -0400

My brother has returned home from serving a 2 year mission in Minnesota. And among other things, it seems like he's returned to his old, bad habits too.

My other blog was a bit excessive. Apparently I'm being plagued by new minions of crudy health.

Happy New Year + Indecision

Fri, 02 Jan 2009 22:52:10 -0500

Happy New Year! And hooray for the year of the Ox!

Though much time has passed, nothing much has happened in my boring, home-bound life. I have offered my services as a seamstress for self-employed work with little customers. But that's not what I want to write about. What I want to write about is Talents.

I possess many talent/gifts from sewing to crochet, knitting, tatting, to cooking, to writing to drawing and painting and more. However, I'm often plagued with indecision. I have noted that when I don't use a talent for a while, it deteriorates and weakens. Then when I go to use it once more, I am saddened at the sorry state it is in. I want to exercise and strengthen all my talents to prevent their loss, however, reality kicks in with a violent tantrum, stating that there is not enough time in the world nor energy in my body to possibly do such a task. And my mind is burdened with the plague of indecision. I want to keep all the wonderful gifts that the universe has bestowed upon me. Yet, how can I possibly find enough time in my day to day life to develop and keep them all strong?

For example: I've not exercised my gift for drawing, and it's dwindled down to something that really saddens me, because I know of what I could do before. The indecision is, do I put my other gifts on hold to work on this particular gift, or do I abandon it?

I want to work on all my gifts at regular intervals, like one would work all their muscle groups to keep tone and strong. Yet, how can I do that. There is an answer staring me straight in the face, I just know it, yet fatigue is making it very difficult to discern the details of the said answer.

Whatever. I had something similiar to this typed, which was much more expressive and powerful concerning the word selection, however, an odd event transpired that erased everything. *irrate*

I intend to go to some college courses to beef up my seamstress skills, being most of them are self taught. I learned the basics from my mother and grandmother. but in this world, that isn't enough. I hope to find the money to go to the said courses. I've applied for FAFSA, and I'm awaiting a response.

Someday, I'll have it figured out where I can exercise all my talents regularly, even if it is only a little at a time.

My brother comes home from his LDS mission in March. I'm excited for his return! I know that he's changed so much in the past several months, nearly two years. I can sense it, and quite often strange dreams remind me of his past behavior, and I know that it is not him, and that is not the way he acts today. I love missionaries.

Lonliness and its aggrivating minions

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 07:06:37 -0400

i posted this on a yahoo! group i belong to, but i figured i'd post it here as well.

hard times have happened upon my famliy, and it really depresses me
because i am so limited in what i can do. not only that, i've not
been dealing with CFIDS for as long as my father. only recently have
i really accepted that CFIDS will be part of my life weither i want
it to be or not, and now i'm looking to live my life again, and find
a way to pick up where i was so rudely knocked off. unfortunately,
the tough times don't appear to want to allow me to really think, and
see things clearly, if you know what i'm saying. i'm constantly
harped on by my other family members about various, yet repetative
things, as i do my best to rediscover my place, my abilities, and my
limits, and at the same time deal with the constand dread/fear of
setbacks and their evil like. i also deal with what may seem like
simple decisions to non-sufferers; decisions like "if i do this, what
will happen?" or "do i do something I want to do, or something that
needs to be done" when i'm feeling low, but not quite into the 'bad
day'.

it's especially unnerving when i am hit with a setback, and my mum
picks that particular day/night to harp and rag on me about getting
back on track, when i am already doing my best. it's so frustrating!

i understand her stress, and want with all my heart to help ease her
load, like i did when i was in school, acting like an assistant or
secretary when my father went down hard. and it hurts even more to
know that i can't do that now, and possible never will be able to
again. even finding a simple job is difficult, and there are frequent
times when i want to give up.

then there is the lonliness.
it is mutually believed between my mother and i that i started
suffering the symptoms of CFIDS as early as the 10th grade, which
would be about 2001. i wasn't 'officially' diagnosed until 2005, when
i was doing my best to put myself through a second semester of
college, and had to pull out because i just couldn't do it. needless
to say, my life was rudely interrupted. i really don't know the sense
of independence, and i never really got the chance to go out with
others my age and even date guys (i didn't date in high school,
though i had guy friends). my 23rd birthday came recently, and i
couldn't help but be severely depressed about the whole matter for
many reasons, most being that i wasn't where i had thought i would be
back in high school. i was far from it, and hard times had followed
it its wake.

i marvel at my father, who's dealt with CFIDS for nearly 25 years. he
has found his personal means to push past the fear of setbacks and do
what he wants to do, even though he pays for it each night. i think
my mother sees that, then sees me, and gets angry for silly reasons.
but nonetheless, it still wounds, and it wounds deeply.

i want to find the motivation to push past the 'existance' that i've
been doing for the last few years, and walk unhindered into
the 'living'. yet, as much as i want that, i can't seem to find it.

All alone in the vast net-verse.

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 01:09:54 -0400

Holy wow I haven't been here for a while. I guess it really doesn't matter since no one visits my website, no matter how hard I try to get people to come.

Events that have transpired since the last post.

My cousins got married within one month of each other.
My little sister graduated from high school.
Mother's Day I got to hear from my brother in Wisconsin on a mission.
My family and I celebrated said brother's birthday on the 5th.
I had my third eye muscle surgery on the 23rd of May.
Still no one is buying the treasures that I make, or that my sister makes.

I guess that's that. I can't really push out a lot of products due to having to deal constantly with the disability I suffer with, and the idiots out there who call themselves doctors and specialists. But that's another tributary on its own, and I don't want to write about it.

New Look/Layout For The Site

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:18:16 -0500

After thinking about what I really wanted to do with this specific website, and realizing that I don't currently have the money to buy extra pages, I got rid of everything that I felt was taking up space. This site is mostly going to be where I showcase and sell the treasures that I make by hand. With that cleared up, I'm hoping to work on it more steadily with updates of new treasures and their like.

I'm also offering special orders. Right now the details are on my DA sites, links of which can be found on the Learn Stuff/Links page. When I settle on a format for 'special orders' I'll have a form up on my website for customers to fill out and send to me via email......or something like that.

ION, I finally got my laptop. I've been saving up for it for a while, and having to share computers with everyone else in the family. My PC that I built when I was in the 9th grade was just too old to keep running and keeping up with the new software. It was good while it lasted, and did what it was supposed to, helping me through high school. Now its good parts are in my sisters' computers.

the passing of President Hinckley.

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 01:16:24 -0500

President Gordon Bitner Hinckley, the 15th president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, passed away today in his Salt Lake City appartment surrounded by family around 19:00 (7:00 p.m. for those who don't know military time). I felt many emotions, though bittersweet and battling darker energies that wish to intrude, I feel happy that he has gone to the world beyond the veil to be with his wife, Marjorie Pay Hinckley, once again after being seperated for three years.

I had this whole 'spill my thoughts on the internet' thing typed, but then hit the wrong button and lost it all. I don't want to type it again, not that I remember it all.

The one thing I want to say is 'Thank You, President Hinckley, for everything that you've done for the children of men. And God be with you till we meet again'. To me, you've been a 'grandfather of all men'. Thank You.

TOYS!

Fri, 18 Jan 2008 09:27:16 -0500

Happy belated New Year!

Of course, the Chinese New Year has yet to happen.
Anyways, I've gotten around to adding the plush toys that I've made to the Shopping area, under Toys, as well as some Cell Phone Charms in the Accessories area. I'll get the shopping cart features set up as soon as possible. And I also plan on getting some better pictures taken.

For a future project, I plan on making a "Make To Order" form for those shoppers who want specifics done. Until then, the said shoppers need to email me.

Till next time!

IMPORTANT!!!/PULLMAN IRRITATES ME!!

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 01:20:12 -0500

'The Golden Compass'

There will be a new children's movie out in December called 'The Golden Compass'. The movie has been described as 'atheism for kids' and is based on the first book of a trilogy entitled 'His Dark Materials' that was written by Phillip Pullman. Pullman is a militant atheist and secular humanist who despises C. S. Lewis and the 'Chronicles of Narnia'. His motivation for writing this trilogy was specifically to counteract Lewis' symbolisms of Christ that are portrayed in the Narnia series.

Clearly, Pullman's main objective is to bash Christianity and promote atheism. Pullman left little doubt about his intentions when he said in a 2003 interview that 'my books are about killing God.' He has even stated that he wants to 'kill God in the minds of children'. It has been said of Pullman that he is 'the writer the atheists would be praying for, if atheists prayed.'

While 'The Golden Compass' movie itself may seem mild and innocent, the books are a much different story. In the trilogy, a young streetwise girl becomes enmeshed in an epic struggle to ultimately defeat the oppressive forces of a senile God. Another character, an ex-nun, describes Christianity as 'a very powerful and convincing mistake.' In the final book, characters representing Adam and Eve eventually kill God, who at times is called YAHWEH. Each book in the trilogy gets progressively worse regarding Pullman's hatred of Jesus Christ.

'The Golden Compass' is set to premier on December 7, during the Christmas season, and will probably be heavily advertised. Promoters hope that unsuspecting parents will take their children to see the movie, that they will enjoy the movie, and that the children will want the books for Christmas.
Please consider a boycott of the movie and the books. Also, pass this information along to everyone you know. This will help to educate parents, so that they will know the agenda of the movie.

The Deepest Hurts....The Darkest Wounds

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 02:08:57 -0500

so my fam got a mobile/motor home for my dear mother who works too many hours too many days in a row. the intentions were fully and completely to protect her, giving her a place to sleep at night when she's bone tired after work without having to drive an hour back home only to return the next day and work more hours. the added bonus is that she gets to bring along family members for her sanity.

however, there's been nothing but nerve grinding and tortured anxieties since we got the dumb thing. first off, the thermostat was broken and needed replacing. yet, we didn't know this until after mother and i had spent a cold night in the thing. so we got that fixed. now, something is up with the battery/electrical system. it completely shut down/shorted out today when mother and i took it to work with the plans of staying til monday, when we would come home (since she works four days straight, nearly all 14 hours). however, while i was reading in the home, an alarm went off, so i shut everything down b/c it was the carbon monoxide alarm, and went into the back room of the urgent care clinic where she works and i am welcome. we go back to the home together with the intent of sleeping in it, only to find the chaotic problem. to make it worse, the leveling jacks (which are automatic when the engine is turned over) weren't functioning, so we were stranded until we got them working again.

i guess the short story is that my anxieties are up, and i'm getting upset as well as mother. at first, i was the one to keep calm and not let things get to me...........if ya know what i'm saying.

and that's not the half of the problems this beast has caused.

more depressing, the house that i call home feels like it's falling appart from the inside, and it's really hard on me. i'm the type of person who feels that the cleanliness of a person's home reflects on them. and being disabled, i can't keep it as clean as i would like it to me. my sisters don't want to/refuse to step up to the plate and take on more responsibility.

i feel bad about having to take it easy. there is so much going on physically and mentally with the disease that i suffer from, and the constant weight of the demands that i feel doesn't make it any easier to deal with. i feel the pressure from both my parents to take on more, yet there are demands that my body just can not meet. i feel that no one short of another sufferer could ever understand. quite often i am found arguing with my sisters the validity of my suffering, only to lose the battle and suffer even more.

it hurts in more ways than one.

i would like to have a 'regular job' and a 'regular life' where i can earn that evil stuff that makes the world go round anymore and have nice things and not have to deal with worn out appliances 'n' such. but i can't. and every day i want to cry out to the universe how unfair it seems to me and my family that we've been hit with this double-whammy.....which may turn into a triple-whammy.

i've applied for social security disability insurance only to be denied over and over. i've applied for a hearing, and i most likely won't get a response for that for another 12 to 15 mos.

i'm driven to do what i can, at my own pace, which is knitting and crocheting wares to sell. i'm constantly told to sell my works because 'they're that awesome'. there are just no buyers!

i would cry......except...i have no more tears.

if you feel it in your heart to help, here are some things you can do.

Donate using PayPal. There are a few direct links throughout my website.
BUY STUFF!
Check out my auctions on Wensy.com under the user name Seaweed917.
Spread the word about my website and its wares. Word of mouth can oft be better than all the internet advertising in the world.

Shop is OPEN!

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 01:51:17 -0400

The Shop pages of Destiny's Treasures Online are now open for business! Note the Jewelry link, which is now active. More links will be made active and more items made available for purchasing over time. Donations to the site will act as a 'boot-to-the-rear/head' for me to get more stuff out there. There are a few hints out there, including a blue butterfly on some pages. Donations will also help expand the website!

I've also aligned myself with Google's Adsense for a little more. See how that turns out.

Remember, spread the word about Destiny's Treasures!